Evening Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

TV's leading hosts spent their broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Take

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas tune about the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... destroys everything he touches."

The subject was the new program which allows overseas citizens to buy U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, with a "platinum" option for 5 million. An official page pledges approval "in record time."

"One message for you to affluent foreigners: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, involving large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining approval numbers amid financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a attempt to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.